I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
