There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
