so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
