Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
