I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
