saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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