he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
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My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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