i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
