I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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