Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
