After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
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The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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