I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
