I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
