so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
