There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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