So drunk its hurt
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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