did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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