i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
