I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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