The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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