If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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