i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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