Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
