she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
