dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
