i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize