your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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