i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
