This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I didn't notice because vodka
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
