Your dad touched me again.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
