I understand Curling. That high.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
