Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
