Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
