Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize