A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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