Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
