Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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