if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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