In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
