remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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