Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the condom got lost in my hair
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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