i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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