Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
