my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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