Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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