How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
