Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize