We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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