it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
