You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
