if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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