Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
