Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
