i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
