What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
