Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
