You made me cry and you don't even care
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
