Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Use "feeling words"
Yay
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
