I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
