he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
