my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize