I am in a vortex of obligation.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
