How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
